naptime

i took a two hour nap with zu today. she woke up from her afternoon nap asking for mommy and when i picked her up and she put her head on my shoulder, i thought i’d lie down with her for just a little in our room. she put her head on my belly, and we fell asleep. i woke up two hours later with the afternoon sunlight streaming in on us, first through the pines shading our backyard then through the gauzy white curtains that never did much for keeping the sunlight out. i rarely get to look at her sleeping. so calm, still. the perfect peachycream of her skin, the long black lashes, goldblonde hair. every once in a while she reached out to stroke my arm, just to make sure that i was still there. my first baby. she made me a mother and in doing so changed me in a way that nothing else can. i spent some time praying over her, as she stretched and stirred in her almost-awake, half-asleep drowse. praying that she’ll never feel replaced, neglected, or doubt how much we love her, with the newbaby coming home. for a while, when she was still drifting off, she rested her head on my belly, and i could feel both my girls, right there, with me. i’m so thankful.

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12 thoughts on “naptime

  1. Oh, two girls! So sweet. (We have a girl and a new boy.)

    Maya really adjusted beautifully to Finn coming into the world, and I was worried, because she is a high-touch girl (and he's turning out to be a high-touch boy). There are times when I feel a bit… swamped by the children, as in, cuddled into a corner, one arm dangled over one, one supporting the other, but we've only had one or two incidents that I had to have a conversation with her about. Otherwise, she frets when cries and suggests what he needs when he seems to need something and interprets sharing in a nice way. One day I was in the kitchen, fixing her juice, and suddenly Finn stopped crying. Afraid to see what she had done, I discovered she was cooing to him and rocking his cradle: “Don't worry baby, don't worry.”

    She only had just turned two when Finn came into the world, so she won't have memory of being the only love-of-our-lives. But–mama sure did write a lot of poems about it (and, of course, take a million photographs of it), so she'll know what it was like.

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  2. Oh, two girls! So sweet. (We have a girl and a new boy.)

    Maya really adjusted beautifully to Finn coming into the world, and I was worried, because she is a high-touch girl (and he's turning out to be a high-touch boy). There are times when I feel a bit… swamped by the children, as in, cuddled into a corner, one arm dangled over one, one supporting the other, but we've only had one or two incidents that I had to have a conversation with her about. Otherwise, she frets when cries and suggests what he needs when he seems to need something and interprets sharing in a nice way. One day I was in the kitchen, fixing her juice, and suddenly Finn stopped crying. Afraid to see what she had done, I discovered she was cooing to him and rocking his cradle: “Don't worry baby, don't worry.”

    She only had just turned two when Finn came into the world, so she won't have memory of being the only love-of-our-lives. But–mama sure did write a lot of poems about it (and, of course, take a million photographs of it), so she'll know what it was like.

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  3. it has been a long long time since zu has taken a nap with me–i think she's just been a little more cuddly and clingy with the new baby on the way

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  4. it has been a long long time since zu has taken a nap with me–i think she's just been a little more cuddly and clingy with the new baby on the way

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  5. that is so sweet! zu will be 21 months old when june is born–sometimes i worry that i'm taking away some special time from her, with her just being our one-and-only, but my husband reminds me that none of our other children will ever have any of that time that zu had, being the only kid. i hope that she is as sweet to her little sis as your daughter is to her little brother!

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  6. that is so sweet! zu will be 21 months old when june is born–sometimes i worry that i'm taking away some special time from her, with her just being our one-and-only, but my husband reminds me that none of our other children will ever have any of that time that zu had, being the only kid. i hope that she is as sweet to her little sis as your daughter is to her little brother!

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