on blogging, friendship, and being seen

blogs used to be like open-journals–i remember in college everyone had a “xanga” where we posted vague, poetic meanderings for our friends to read (those were the days, eh?). now it seems most blogs, at least the ones i read, are about information–how to do something, whether its homeschooling, motherhood, writing, even the christian life (those “devotional” type blogs). i still love reading blogs–so much more than passing-comment “tweets” and angsty facebook statuses and even instagram captions. because, well, i’m a reader and i like a good solid paragraph on the page (or..screen). so, here we are, my blog.

which is not very well updated.

because i don’t have any good information to share really–all my “informational” writing on poetry ends up in online class lectures, all my motherhood and marriage tips aren’t anything new, i’m completely new to homeschool, and i’m not a  revolutionary cook, gardener, decorator (hahaha),  or spiritual leader.

and because i have begun to feel like the open-diary concept doesn’t work well for moms. my kids deserve privacy, my husband deserves privacy, and just like we don’t have cable or unlimited internet at our house, to cut down on the world coming In, i think its important to limit what goes Out.

i just want to share my life with people who are actually IN my life. my friends who come over to chat while our kids run around crazy, my sisters and parents who visit and call, my small group, my pen-pals. people who aren’t going to “stumble upon” a little snippet of my life, but can see past the prettily written devotional or “how-to” to ME, the real person, who is sometimes nicely behaved and sometimes not so much.

i think the open-diary type blogging was so fun because it fulfilled the desire to be Known–to be Seen. but it also made it easy to hide behind writing that is edited, and “just so”, to avoid the messy imperfection of real life relationships, to retreat until the house is perfect and the kids’ hair is all combed.

drinking coffee with real live people is important. and changing diapers with them and going running and eating donuts and talking, talking is super important. its harder. its harder to find Those People that you click with, to open up and be vulnerable, to risk saying “the Wrong Thing”–but its so worthwhile. and i think that for writers and introverts and maybe even all people, when you give a lot of yourself in your writing, its easy to have that need for community false-filled-up, kind of like a kid not eating dinner because they drank too much juice.

if this was a how-to post, i’d give you 7 easy steps on how to get off the internet and go make friends. and if it were a devotionally kind of post, i might smack a bible verse down here at the bottom (like my last post….ha). this is more of a don’t expect much type post–because as a poet, its easy to want to hide behind writing. its much more comfortable that way. but i’m in a place in my life now, where i don’t feel that ache to be known, to be seen. i am already seen, by the friends and family God has planted in my life, and by, most of all, the God Who Sees Me. and i hope that for each of you who reads this too. take down some walls, let some awkward conversations happen, and put yourself out there–its humbling but good.

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